Cheating on somebody has become easier now than ever before. We can connect to anybody, anywhere in the world in a few clicks only. But I’ve always wondered how come some people cheat while some others don’t despite this same huge leap in technology. 

My research was based on the principle that success leaves clues. I believe that happy couples are happy because they do something differently than poor couples. In the same way, some couples have never suffered from infidelity because they have different rituals than couples who have been unfaithful.

Surely, values and past experiences play a role in this, but I found that there is a deeper reason.

Out of all the things that I found during my research, there was always one recurrent factor.

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Why People Cheat

Invariably, it always comes down to one reason: a lover cheats on their partner because their needs aren’t being met. Cheating happens when a lover finds in somebody else what – they think – their partner can’t give them. 

In order words, your partner has no reason to cheat if all their needs are being met with you. 

Interestingly, men and women cheat on their partner out of different reasons, based on cheater’s testimonials. For the most part, men cheat primarily for sexual desires whereas women cheat primarily for emotional reasons.

In any case, they cheat out of a need they have for either sex or connection.

This is best illustrated by Tony Robbins’ concept of the 6 human needs. The more needs you meet, and the more unlikely it will be for them to cheat on you. Conversely, if you meet all of them, you’ll create a ‘’love slave’’.

But meeting all of your partner’s needs once isn’t enough, just like exercising one day won’t make you fit and healthy for life. 

Couples need to check-in on each other’s primary needs to make sure that the relationship is on the right track.

What Are The 6 Human Needs?

According to Tony Robbins, everything that we do in life is in an attempt to meet those needs. 

The first 4 needs are the emotional needs that we all need for living a healthy emotional life, whereas the last 2 needs are the needs of the spirit – that will make us feel fulfilled. 

Keep in mind that those needs aren’t just affecting our relationships, but our overall behaviour in everyday life as well.

Let’s dive into the 6 human needs!

1. Certainty

Your partner needs certainty that the relationship is going strong and more importantly going to last. Certainty is one of our core need; this allows us to relax and not obsess on the ceiling all the time fearing that it might collapse. 

In other words, this is the need of the comfort. The relationship must feel safe and comfortable – not only physically, but emotionally as well (no judging).

2. Uncertainty

Too much certainty can lead to boredom. That’s why it’s important to have surprises and changes. How do you feel about watching a movie which you’ve already watched 10 times? Surely, the feeling of excitement must have considerably worn off.

For women, it might be to spice it up in the bedroom to please the men. For men, it might be activities that allow a stronger emotional connection. 

But just like certainty, too much uncertainty isn’t good either – how good would you feel if you had no certainty that your partner is faithful? 

There needs to be a balance between the two.

3. Significance

The difference between an intimate relationship and any other kind of relationship is the privilege that you have given your spouse to be the most special person in your life.

In other words, the special connection that links the two of you will disappear if they can’t feel that difference.

4. Love And Connection

Needless to say, there must be love and connection in the relationship. 

Interestingly, we don’t give and receive love in the same way. This means that your lover might not even feel that you love them, although you might tell them all day long! 

I’ll talk about the 5 love languages below that will explain how to proper communicate your love with them so that they not only understand your love logically, but really feel it emotionally.

5. Growth

Anything in life that’s not growing is dying. If your relationship isn’t growing, then it will invariably die. It is capital that the relationship keeps growing. 

It can have many forms, such as growing as an individual along with your partner or growing as a couple. Are you making progress in your relationship or does it stay stagnant?

6. Contribution

No one likes selfish people but everybody loves givers. Along with the 5th human need ‘’Growth’’, this need isn’t the most important but necessary for the relationship to thrive.

Knowing the needs is great, but knowledge is not power. Real power is implementation! Let’s discuss how to apply this knowledge and meet your partner’s needs so that they never cheat on you.

How To Meet Those Needs?

There is no one-size-fit-all answer because it always depends on the individual. 

Somebody might feel more certain about the relationship if you stopped interacting too much with the opposite sex. On the other hand, somebody else might feel more certain with more communication.

The golden rule of any relationship is, and has always been, communication with your partner. Ask them directly how you can better meet those needs.

Here are some of the ways I’ve used with my partner that have saved our relationship (more about the story below): 

Certainty – have a date, spend quality time together, communicate

Uncertainty – have a date, spice it up in the bedroom, travel, watch movies

Significance – make them your priority, compliments

Love And Connection – communicate our love, talk, spend quality time

Growth – learn together, make progress

Contribution – give compliments, do something for them, make them a gift

How Often Should You Meet Them?

Meeting those needs once won’t do. Success always comes down to habits – which means something practiced daily or at least often. 

I understand that it might be difficult to check-in on your 6 human needs with your partner on a daily-basis schedule-wise, but do it at least once every 2 weeks. Remember that failure to meet those needs will kill the relationship.

Although some days are perfect, there will be days where uncertainty will creep in and try to destroy the relationship. You must make sure that this doesn’t happen.

How To Track Your Progress?

In order to effectively track your progress, both of you should speak in turn and rate on a scale of 1 to 10 your levels of certainty, uncertainty, significance, love & connection, growth and contribution. 

1 being the lowest and usually meaning that the relationship is about to end and 10 meaning that everything is perfect. Make sure that you don’t rate based on how you feel at the moment, but how you’ve been feeling recently.

One day, when doing this process, we realized that my certainty was a 3.5/10. This was a very dangerous place to be in as it led me to have negative thoughts about the relationship.

Hopefully, we were able to quickly catch the monster before it gets bigger and managed to increase my certainty to a splendid 8. This process literally saved our relationship.

It can truly change your relationship and turn around your marriage. But you should always make one rule clear: honesty must be at play. It means not lying to your partner and not lying to yourself either by pretending everything is alright when it’s not – which I had been guilty of.

Don’t discard the negative feelings and turn a blind eye on them – use them to empower yourself and your relationship.

Why Your Partner Don’t Feel Loved

Say the magic words ‘’I love you’’ to two different persons and you’ll get two different reactions. 

One of them might be overwhelmed with happiness and joy as they thank you for the kind words. However, the other one might tell you that words aren’t worth anything – they want proof. This goes to show that people have different ways of receiving love. 

A common mistake that a lot of people make in relationships is to give love the way they’d like to receive it. Gary Chapman has a book called ‘’The 5 Love Languages’’ in which he explains the 5 ways that people might want to receive love.

1. Words Of Affirmations

If somebody needs praise or sweet words to feel loved, then their primary love language is words of affirmations. In order to make them feel loved, just feed them with honest, authentic praises.

2. Gifts

Actions might be another way for them to feel loved. Some people don’t believe in words but believe in behaviour. In this case, making them a gift would be more appropriate.

3. Acts Of Service

Gifts might be good but not tangible enough. In this case, they might receive love by acts of service – meaning that you do them a favour.

4. Quality Time

It’s not only about spending time with them watching TV, but also giving them your full, undivided attention. Keep in mind that just because you’re in the same room doing the same thing doesn’t mean that it’s quality time.

5. Physical Touch

If all the above aren’t their thing, then physical touch should be the one! It doesn’t necessarily mean in a sexual way. Simply a sweet, gentle stroke to show them you care for them.

How To Find Out Their Love Language?

But how could you possibly know what they want? Well, the golden rule still applies: communication! Ask them and they will tell you.

Of course, we love all of them. We want to be told that we’re appreciated, spend quality time, have physical contact and receive a ton of gifts but there is always one or two that stands out and are the more meaningful. Your mission is to find out which.

For instance – gifts aren’t worth anything to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t want them, but they don’t necessarily make me happy. On the other hand, quality time is very important for me. 

CONCLUSION

What about you? Did you understand the importance of meeting your lover’s six human needs? 

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