Feeling like no one loves you happens to everyone once in a while and independently of fame or status. However, this feeling shouldn’t be taken lightly if it drags on for days, weeks or months.
Dealing with loneliness is especially harder in today’s world where we get a false idea of what being loved is by browsing social media and see influencers receive a ton of love from their fans.
Like you and everyone else, I have had lonely moments in my life when I wished I had someone to talk to and build connections with. Sure, being an introvert made it easier for me to go through this experience, but it didn’t fill my human need of wanting to interact with other human beings. I once thought that no one loved me, too. But was that really true?
THE BIG QUESTION YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF FIRST
Before doing anything else, there is one question you should always ask yourself when loneliness and feelings of being unloved invade you. It’s a question that will direct your belief, which will in turn direct your thoughts, actions and feelings.
Is it really true? Does really NOBODY love you? You may genuinely believe that is the case, but it wouldn’t surprise me if your brain was simply tricking you. Sometimes, we “accidentally” forget who loves us by simply looking away from the evidence.
Another useful and interesting question you need to be clear about is the meaning you attach to being loved. Could it be that you’re receiving love but simply not interpreting it as such? And conversely, could it be that the love you wish to receive is just not what people give you?
I have always been fascinated by the concept of the 5 love languages – which originally comes from a book written by author Gary Chapman. In the book, he talks about how everyone has 5 different ways of expressing love towards someone.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
- Words Of Affirmations – expressing love through words
- Gifts – expressing love through gifts
- Quality Time – expressing love through spending quality time
- Physical Touch – expressing love through touch
- Acts Of Service – expressing love through doing someone a favour
Identify which one of those ways you treasure the most, and see if anyone in your life may have been giving you love all this time you weren’t aware of.
YOUR BELIEFS BECOME YOUR REALITY
The human mind works in a fascinating way. It will manifest whatever you believe so that your belief becomes an accurate representation of reality, even if it’s not. It doesn’t matter if your beliefs are right or wrong to begin with, your brain will simply comply and make that happen.
But I challenge you not to be a victim of your thoughts. You are NOT your thoughts. Your thoughts are the result of the beliefs you’ve learned from past experiences and other people. But you can change them anytime.
Ask yourself the question one more time: does no one really love you? Do you know every single person on earth to affirm that no one loves you? Do you even know what all the people around you think of you? Of course not.
I don’t know you, but I still love you. And I hope my article will help you find the love you need.
YOUR PAST DOES NOT EQUAL YOUR FUTURE
Just because you’ve had bad experiences in the past confirming a belief doesn’t mean that said belief is accurate. In fact, even if it was, it wouldn’t empower you in any way to believe it.
The problem I find with asking yourself questions like, “Why does nobody love me,” is that it presupposes that nobody loves you. And so the answer that will follow will undoubtedly be negative – which won’t help you move forward.
Instead, I challenge you to ask questions that will elicit positive answers, or at least answers that will truly move the needle in your life.
HOW TO CHANGE A BELIEF
WHERE BELIEFS COME FROM
Once you know that this belief works against you, it’s time to change it. But in order to do that, it may prove useful to first understand how one believes anything.
I believe there are two ways to adopt a new belief: the first way is through experience, and attaching a meaning to that experience. For example, if your husband or wife cheats on you, you may create the meaning that, “men/women are natural-born cheaters”. This belief has been made through experience.
Another, equally as powerful way to adopt a new belief is through influence – whether it be your own or somebody else’s. If I told you, “You’re stupid” everyday all day, you would probably start to believe it. In the same way, if you’ve been repeatedly told that you’re not likeable, you may have started to believe it.
A SIMPLE WAY TO CHANGE A BELIEF
Changing a belief is as simple as adopting one, although the longer you had a belief and the more difficult it will be to unlearn it. I have found through my experience that the best and simplest way to change a belief is through conditioning. Affirmations are a great way to do that.
Everyday, set some time aside to say some affirmations covering the entirety of the problem you’re having. Listening to someone else saying those affirmations is equally as powerful, as your subconscious mind will pick it up – even if you don’t focus on it consciously.
One mistake I often see people make when making affirmations is to address the symptoms instead of the cause. This is why I don’t believe in, “I’m happy I’m happy” affirmations: they’re just addressing the symptoms. But just like treating your stomachache won’t heal your cancer, treating the fact that you’re not happy won’t heal the reason you’re not happy – the cause.
Therefore, telling yourself that, “everybody loves me” may be good, but not enough because it doesn’t cover enough ground. Your job is to look deep into yourself and find areas you need certainty for. A few examples would be, “I’m likeable.”, or “I always help people, and they appreciate that.”.
MEET THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Some people will like you, some will hate you. It’s a part of life, and everybody goes through this. You may not believe it, but even the most popular and appreciated influencers and actors receive a lot of hate from people on a daily basis. It can be as low as 1%, but one percent of one million is 10.000 people.
You don’t have to put up with people who don’t like and respect you just because you want to feel loved. If the people in your life aren’t willing to appreciate you, then move on and find new people into your life that will be willing to.
WHY NO ONE LOVES YOU – WHAT TURNS PEOPLE OFF
No one is perfect, and that’s exactly why no one judges someone for not being that way. Except if you have many of the following flaws I’m going to talk about, people will usually be indulgent and understanding with you.
I don’t recommend you beat yourself up for not being good enough reading this section. You are enough, no matter what other people may say or what you may say to yourself. If you find yourself being described below, know that it’s okay and that you can improve yourself.
1 – BEING OVERLY SELFISH
Everyone can be selfish at times, that’s how we’ve been wired. If a baby isn’t selfish and demanding, it will die. Complications arise when you still haven’t changed your way of functioning and still live like a baby.
Don’t get me wrong – selfishness isn’t necessarily bad and is necessary for our survival. But too much of it can, and will, repel people.
2 – ARROGANT
I’m sure you don’t like arrogant people either. No one does. Explore the possibility that you may show some behaviour of arrogance.
3 – ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF
Human beings love to talk about themselves, but no one loves to hear about others. However, not actively listening to other people is the surest way to destroy your relationship with them.
Everyone wants to feel loved, and prioritizing talking over listening makes them feel ignored which is a feeling we are all avoiding at all cost.
4 – YOU’RE A TAKER
There are countless examples of what being a taker is in the dating scene, where most men do their best to take from women by just trying to have sex with them. Or entrepreneurs wanting to make money without adding any value to people’s life.
But no one likes takers. Who would you rather spend time with: someone that gives you a hundred dollars, or takes from you a hundred dollars? I’m willing to bet you chose the giver!
5 – DESPISE OTHERS
Of course, any negative and toxic behaviour is a big turn-off for everyone. Many negative people don’t even notice they are, so I highly suggest you explore this possibility before throwing it out the window.
WHAT PEOPLE LOVE
Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT implying you become a people pleaser. Use this as an opportunity to become a better version of yourself. And you will undoubtedly be loved by others in the process.
1 – UPLIFTING, POSITIVE PEOPLE
Because it makes their lives better, and we’re all looking for ways to improve our lives.
2 – GIVER MENTALITY
The giver is always about adding value, where the taker is always about how to take advantage of others. There is a common misconception that if you’re a giver and give all the time, you’re necessarily going to be taken advantage of. But it’s not true, as long as you keep an eye on who you’re giving to and if the people you’re giving to only takes from you or reciprocate.
3 – TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES
Have you ever noticed how people seem passionate each time they tell a story about them, or how they feel? It’s because we love talking about ourselves – after all, we are the heroes of our lives. And heroes’ stories are worth telling, or so we think.
NO ONE LOVES YOU?
Whether this belief of yours stems from bad experiences, or have been created as a result of being repeatedly told so, it’s simply not true. Alter your beliefs, meet more people, improve yourself, and before you know it, you’ll be surrounded by loving people all day!
I have made a Facebook group about happiness where we support and help each other. Feel free to join it if you ever need to feel some love or want to share what you’re going through.