”My husband hates me. He looks at me with contempt. Everything that I do – even the smallest and most innocent little things – seems to bother him. He keeps putting me down and snaps at me anytime he gets the chance. Most of the time, for things that don’t matter. What should I do?”
There is nothing more painful than knowing that the one we love and have chosen to spend the rest of our life with hates us. After all, everything seemed to go well until one day he dropped the bomb. In some cases, he may not have told you anything, leaving you wondering how he truly feels about you.
What could possibly explain this change? What could you do about it? Is there any clear signs that he hates you?
In this article, we’ll answer all these questions and explore 7 different ways that you can use to make your husband love you again. And before you’ll know it, ‘’My husband hates me’’ will change into ‘’My husband absolutely LOVES me’’!
I have dedicated an entire guide to making any man deeply in love with you – including a husband. CLICK HERE to get unique access to it!
My Husband Hates Me – 11 Signs He Hates You
Are you ready to find out if your husband really does hate you? Go through these 10 signs and you’ll get an idea if it’s as bad as you think it is – or better. Just because he ticks one or two of them doesn’t mean that he hates you – make sure that he ticks a whole lot of them before jumping to conclusions!
1 – Insults/Violence
Except a tiny percentage of people whose childhood shaped them that way, most people would never resort to violence with somebody they love. Especially when it comes to women, since society has always forbidden men for hitting women – who are physically weaker.
A man slapping or insulting his wife is usually a good indicator that his feelings are mixed about her and that past feelings of love and fondness are long gone.
2 – He Always Seems Angry With You
There’s nothing wrong with being angry. Everybody gets upset once in a while. Some people more than others, depending on the personality type.
In any case, if he *always* seems to be angry with you – something is definitely going on. A good way to make out normal anger to unusual anger is by looking at the people close to him – friends, co-workers, family. Does he seem upset with them as well? Or are you the only one he seems to be upset with?
3 – He Avoids Spending Time With You
Obviously, no one wants to hang out with somebody that we hate – it makes us feel bad, after all! What does your husband do during his free time? Does he seem to avoid doing things with you?
Just because he spends time with your children or friends doesn’t mean he hates you – but if he consistently turns you down when you ask him – it’s an issue worth looking into.
4 – He Regrets Marrying You
Regret weighs tons. A pretty clear indicator that he regrets having spent his life with you is if complains about it openly – in which case he doesn’t even try to work it out. More subtly, does he often think about what-if scenarios?
Commitment can be a huge source of worries for men, and so he might feel frustrated for thinking he made a mistake.
5 – He Avoids Having Sex With You
Multiple reasons could cause this: loss of libido, loss of attraction, feelings of resentment towards you, lack of time or energy.. It isn’t necessarily a sign that he hates you.
That being said, hatred is such a powerful feeling that if he really does hate you – he won’t allow himself to engage in sexual activities with you. His brain would have linked so much pain to it that he won’t even think about it.
6 – Complains About Anything You Do
It’s perfectly normal to sometimes complain about your spouse’s behaviour. Everybody has been brought up in different ways and has different values.
All of this can easily clash – but things get serious if literally anything you do irritates him. The way you cook, the way you breathe, the way you talk, the way you take out the garbage, and so on.
7 – He Always Blames You
Surprisingly, a lot of couples actually blame each other without knowing it. But studies have shown that this practice inevitably leads down the path of divorce.
Most people know when they were wrong and can admit it. But somebody who keeps blaming you in an unhealthy way hides negative feelings about you – such as hate and resentment. Now, keep in mind that this is fairly common in relationships. The real question becomes: does it add onto the previous and next points?
8 – He Seems Happier With Others
The surest way to determine if your husband hates you is by looking at how he interacts with other people. Is he joyous and playful with other people but heinous and irritable with you?
9 – Puts You Down
It could be related to self-esteem issues, but couples who love each other usually never consciously put each other down. Does he seem to do it consciously? Worse, does he seem to enjoy it?
10 – Forces You To Do Anything
A loving relationship isn’t torture. It’s a place of freedom where each person is giving and wishing the other’s best. Forcing you to do anything you don’t like is a strong sign that he doesn’t like you very much. Keep in mind that some people are just control freaks, so there is a fine line between trying to control somebody out of need, and literally forcing them.
11 – Blatantly Says So
We’ve all said stupid things out of anger which didn’t necessarily reflect how we truly felt. It’s part of the human experience.
That being said, if he repeatedly tells you that he hates you.. then it’s probably true. No one in their right mind would ever lash out at somebody they love deeply on a consistent basis.
Did you tick more than 5 signs? It’s very likely your husband lost the spark. In some cases, depending on which question, it may even be an abusive relationship.
Did you tick more than 5 signs? There’s probably nothing wrong with your relationship! Your husband may be encountering some issues which may interfere between him and your relationship – but he does not hate you.
My Husband Hates Me – 4 Questions To Know If You Can Fix It
Short answer: it depends. In some instances, there may be a ray of hope. But in others, it’s a lost battle. Hatred is a very powerful emotion that’s the result of years of resentment. It can’t be fixed that easily.
Do you want to find out if there’s still hope in your marriage? Answer the 4 questions below:
1 – Has He Ever Changed?
Some people simply cannot change. They will keep past references in a corner of their mind and never let go of it. Those type of person resist change – because it makes them feel uncomfortable.
This type will most likely not be able to like you again.
2 – Has He Ever Forgiven?
I have read countless stories of people living experiences no one would wish to their worst enemy – and still manage to forgive the people that put them through this.
On the other hand, I’ve also seen people that hold on to past experiences no matter what – even for the tiny little things. If your husband is the kind of people that can’t forgive anyone, then it’s very unlikely he’ll forgive you and change his mind about you.
3 – Have You Always Cherished His Values?
There is one thing that us humans cannot stand above anything else, it’s when people go against our dear values. Values are what dictate what’s important in life.
It’s different depending on the individual. For some people, it might be family. For others, freedom might just do the trick.
What do you think would happen if you betrayed someone whose highest values are family and trust? Or, what about making a man who values freedom a prisoner? Yes, he would hate you for it.
Betraying his most important values might not only be very painful for him, but also hard to forgive.
4 – Is He A Good Man?
Needless to say, don’t even think about attempting to repair your marriage if your man isn’t good or if he isn’t in love with you. If he ever tried to manipulate you or take advantage of you in any way, there is no way you can get such a man to like you again.
If you answered with at least two ”yes”, then I have some goods news: yes, your marriage can be fixed! Simply follow the step-by-step instructions that I outlined at the beginning of this article. It will take some work and perseverance, but it’s definitely doable!
Keep in mind that everything written in this article does not represent every man on earth. Everyone is different, and so are circumstances. Use this as a reference to get a better understanding of how and why your man feel this way about you.
My Husband Hates Me – 10 Reasons Why He Hates You
Up until now, we have seen a few things: first, how to identify if your husband truly hates you. Then, if it’s possible to even repair the marriage. Lastly, what you could do to get him to love you again.
In this section, we will tackle another issue: what goes through a man’s mind to end up hating you? Nothing happens without reason. If you manage to pinpoint the exact reason, you will be able to turn the tables around. Let’s see the potential causes that may have led him to hate you.
1 – Values
Each one of us have values that we prioritise in different ways. Values tell us what’s important in life and what’s not. As an example, you may value security and stability a lot, governing your every decision. This will translate to any choice you make and eventually shape your life in a particular way.
On the other hand, somebody else might value freedom more. For this person, being certain couldn’t be more boring and so they won’t be happy until they feel they are free. This can be expressed through traveling, or noncomittment relationships, etc.
Where this can become complicated is when you fail to recognise one of your partner’s most important values and end as such end up ”ignoring” it. For instance, expressing discontentment and blaming your certainty-seeking man about how there is no thrill and newness in the relationship anymore.
2 – He Is A Narcissist
In some cases, it may have nothing to do with you. Manipulators are masters at understanding their prey’s emotional reactions and make them feel bad. Showing unhealthy and toxic behaviours towards you may be one of the numerous ways they use to get something from you. In other words, this could very well be an act or something of the sort!
Here’s a few way you can unmask a narcissist: think he’s above everyone else and unique, envies others, always talk about themselves, lack of empathy, exploit others..
It’s not pleasant to explore the possibility that your husband might be such a person, but it’s not as uncommon as you might think. I know for a fact that many women never realise the person they share their life with is a narcissist until it’s too late.
3 – He Despises Something You Did
Remember the part about how we deeply treasure our values and think they are the right ones? For some people, not following them is actually despicable.
Recall any behaviour that you may have had in the past that could have made him despise you. It can be anywhere from cheating and flirting (big things) to saying something or forgetting about a date (small things).
4 – You Changed
”Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.”, says famous success coach and world-leader Tony Robbins.
He simply may have fell out of love with you because you underwent huge physical or mental transformations. What might have attracted him in the past may be left in the past.
5 – His Perception Of You Changed
Some sudden big changes can profoundly affect someone’s mind. It may have nothing to do with you but with external circumstances – such as death of a loved one – which managed to shift the perception he has of you.
Perception is the keyword – it’s not the hard truth, based on facts. It’s all based on his own interpretation of what something means.
6 – He Hates His Life
Does he show any sign of depression or PTSD? Far from being your fault, he might hate his life as a whole – you included. Not because you did something wrong or are a bad person, but because he lost any joy to live. This often happens to people who consistently live in a way they’re not satisfied with but who don’t manage to change it.
7 – He Thinks He Married The Wrong Woman
Your husband may have told you that he regrets marrying you. Not because you’re not enough, but because the differences between you two are too big. He might have realized that you do not share the same primary values or hobbies and this has wounded him.
Another option to consider would be that he cheated on you.
8 – He’s Jealous Of You
Some people are less fortunate than others. Is there any possibility he could be jealous of you? There are many reasons why a man could be envious, which can range from low self-esteem to societal issues (earning less money as a man).
9 – He Thinks You Did Something He Despises
In point number 3, you may have thought, ”But I did nothing wrong!”. And while it may be true to a certain extent, this could have still happened in your husband’s mind. Remember, perception is everything. He may have thought that you did something you didn’t do – which led to the same result. Our beliefs become our reality.
Is there any area important enough that could cause him to hate you? If there is, what could he believe so that he came to the point of hating you?
10 – He Feels Unappreciated
Feeling unappreciated doesn’t mean that you should shut up and agree with everything he says and does. It’s more about making him understand that his opinion matters. Men crave to feel significant, especially in a relationship.
My Husband Hates Me – How To Get Him To Love You Again
1 – Does He Truly Hate You?
This first step doesn’t sound like a big deal – but it’s very important. How does he truly feel about you? You see, no human being on earth is truly ‘’objective’’. When it comes to art, values, opinions.. but also relationships!
Just because you are under the impression that your husband hates you doesn’t mean that he does. We sometimes simply have strange ways to express our love for somebody – and what might not seem like love to you might just be for him.
In other words, is it a fact or an interpretation stemming from your imagination? The answer changes everything.
Hatred is a very powerful word often interchangeably misused with discontentment or dislike. It often only comes out of acts that one may perceive as being horrible, or disgusting. Even so, getting your husband’s forgiveness may still be an option in this case.
The truth is that circumstances may largely explain the seemingly hostile behaviour he has around you – stress, fatigue, mood.. there are so many factors at play that you can’t just dismiss them and believe you are the root cause.
Once you get clear on that, you’ll have a better idea regarding what your next step should be – is it to get his forgiveness for something terrible you’ve done? Or is it simply to change some aspects of your relationship that he just doesn’t like? Feel free to use the quizz below in order to find it out.
2 – Are You Filling His Needs?
Each one of us has needs. We have widely known human needs: hunger, thirst, sex. But we also have deeper needs of the mind: certainty, uncertainty, love, significance, growth and contribution that gives us peace of mind and fulfilment in our lives. I go more in depth about each one of them in my guide. CLICK HERE to get direct access to my guide.
A common misconception people have is to believe that meeting basic human beings needs (hunger, thirst and sex) is enough for a relationship to thrive. But it’s far from true. I’m sure your experience has proved it countless times. Sex isn’t enough and no, it’s definitely not the issue unless he specify it himself.
Dive deep into each one of those needs (which I all address in my guide) and your man will see you in a whole different light – this is the key.
3 – Communication
We all heard it at one point in our lives. Communication is the golden rule of any quality relationships. And while it may be true to some extent, it’s not the only factor.
Still, it’s key that both parties address their challenges so that they can find common ground.
Did you let your husband a chance to express himself? Have you tried to find solutions to solve those problems? As simple as this is, this alone can do a lot.
One fact psychology has established is that we absolutely love people who are like us. If you’re a confident, loud-talking and fashionable woman, then chances are you are more likely to like somebody who’s like you.
If your husband truly hates you, part of the reason might be that he sees way too much differences with you. The solution? Work it out! Communicate and reduce the gap between those differences.
There are multiple forms of communication: him bitching about something repeatedly is one of them. Is there anything about you he keeps saying he doesn’t like? This can play a huge role, especially if you’re going against something he values a lot.
4 – Selfish Love VS Selfless Love
Selfishness is the biggest enemy in relationships. Your husband hating you might be the direct cause of this. It makes the partner feel insignificant and not much respected. As much as I don’t want to admit it, human beings are for the most part creatures of selfishness. After all, we’ve been wired since our birth for survival.
Some people manage to break through this primary need, but it requires a lot of awareness and practice. This is where a lot of relationships get stuck.
There are 3 ways to love someone:
1 – Baby Love: this form of love is based on the most basic need of all human beings – the desire for survival. Babies don’t care how you feel or when they wake you up because they’re driven mainly by this instinct. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.. unless baby love controls a love relationship. In this case, it’s all about them. ”I don’t care about your needs, I just want you to meet my needs.”
2 – Trading Love: Now, it’s become an exchange of value – just like money. For a certain amount of money, you can buy something. Or, I give you something, so I expect you to give me something back. Basically, it’s a transaction. Is it better than baby love? Sure. Is it the way to go? Not really. This way of loving is still based on selfishness, because you expect to gain something.
3 – Unconditional Love: the highest form of love. Pure contribution. It means giving without expecting anything in return. For relationships, it translates to doing favours, making gifts and such without blaming your partner if they don’t reciprocate. The most powerful but yet most difficult-to-master form of love.
In which way are you loving your husband? Getting clear about that would help you become a better lover and your husband may feel compelled to stop hating you.
5 – What Did You Do Differently At The Beginning Of The Relationship?
The honeymoon phase is a characteristic phase of any relationship. It’s the time when the feelings of excitement and newness are at its peak. During that time, people are usually ready to do anything in order to please their lover.
However, as time goes by, the excitement wears off and what was new becomes familiar and predictable. Oftentimes, we stop doing things that we did in the beginning because we think that the relationship is secure but this is where it can go wrong.
Famous success coach Tony Robbins says that, ‘’Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.’’ And he is right.
It’s only natural that attraction will reduce that much further if there is a disconnect between who you were and who you are. Your job is to find the correct recipe, the one that caught your husband’s heart. Why did he fall in love with you in the first place? What do you used to do that you stopped doing?
Is it to take care of yourself? Planning fun, adventurous dates? Please him in whatever way he likes? Once you go back to being the person he fell deeply in love with in the first place, ”My husband hates me” will be nothing but a bad dream.
6 – Ask Him What He Doesn’t Like About You
You could think about this all day long, or you could just ask him directly. Once you know what bothers him so much about you, then you can start thinking about how to solve those problems. Now, it’s usually not the small things that matter so you might want to dig deep.
Find out if there are specific behaviours that he ‘despises” because it goes against his own values or past experiences.
7 – Show Appreciation And Celebrate Together
Studies have shown that couples who express appreciation and gratitude on a regular basis are much more likely to succeed and thrive than couples who don’t. Showing your joy when your partner accomplishes something is key as well.
It doesn’t mean faking it, however. Researchers have also found that even being neutral such as saying ‘’that’s great, honey.’’ may be more harmful that saying nothing. Men like to be rewarded and recognised.
My Husband Hates Me – Conclusion
Uncovering the reasons why he hates you is primordial. And even more important than that is to ask yourself the right questions. Does your husband even hate you in the first place? Or is he simply ”peeved” by some of your actions?
Once you follow the blueprint of this article, you’ll get a clear idea of what’s the problem in your man’s mind and how to find the proper solution. Depending on the circumstances, it may take some time and effort to repair the relationship if trust or connection have been broken.
I have dedicated an entire guide to making any man deeply in love with you – including a husband. CLICK HERE to get unique access to it!